Hello Everyone! How are things? Oh, that sounds nice…
Have I told you all about one of my most FAVORITE BLOGS EVER? I haven’t? Well how very rude of me. Please forgive me friends, I know not what I do. The Mid Century Menu is pretty much the single greatest idea for a blog, EVER. Retro Ruth is the keeper of a treasure trove of Mid Century cookbooks and Recipes. Along with featuring the great artwork, kitschy titles, wacky ingredients, and eBay listings so readers can start their own collection she also has started to make one vintage recipe a week. Really. She tries a vintage, cray, holy shit that looks gross, no thank you I am full recipe EVERY WEEK and then makes her husband Tom try it first. I am PRETTY sure he is a willing participant. She is all sorts of awesome – I wouldn’t say no to her EITHER. Please head over there and check it out, you will not regret it! Oh maybe wait an hour after a big meal? LIKE SWIMMING!
When I saw the opportunity to participate in a gelatin vintage recipe test I JUMPED for a chance to play. If Lance Bass offered you his spot on the 110 second Nsync reunion tour, you would take it, RIGHT? DUH! (that was some crap JUSTIN STAGE HOG MOVING ON)
The participants and I were given some rules, cause Mid Century cooking means BUSINESS:
It’s Knox Apocalypse Part II, and you have been chosen to take part! Here are the rules:1. NO SUBSTITUTIONS2. Recipes should be from your own collection3. Original pictures of the recipe aren’t required, but are preferred!4. It MUST contain gelatin in some form.
PLEASE BABY JESUS NO TUNA!
You guys, if i get tuna – I WILL FOR SURE BARF. This is serious! I waited, stomach in knots! Finally, the email came:
NOT TUNNNAAAAA! But Holy crap, this looks EXTRA GROSS TOO.
Ok – what the HELL is nonfat dry milk – GAG – BLEH! And VERY RIPE Cantaloupe! SUPER! Can’t wait.
So confession time friends, I hate jello. I won’t really eat it (and by really I mean EVER) but I LOVE making it. I feel like I am doing science experiments or potions or something. Maybe if I say some magic words this will come out of my jello mold in one piece!
Deep breaths – pep talk – theme song? I think this FOR SURE calls for a theme song:
OH JUST KIDDING (but if you have not watched that yet you go ahead and treat YOURSELF)
Let’s DO THIS!
I washed off my Tupperware Jello mold set. This was my mom’s and she was slightly amused to see it being put to use. We both appreciate the design of the jello molds, just wish it wasn’t so GROSS AND JIGGLY. Mom’s memories of jello’s of her youth – cabbage, green peppers, and PIMENTOS floating in JELLO – it was GROSS!
The recipe calls for a whole extremely ripe cantaloupe. This spells T R O U B L E from the start. Mine was ripe enough. My apologies for wasting you you gorgeous thing you. You went for a good cause though. God Speed.
Mash with fork. KISS MY ASS. SMASH with awesome potato masher. HULK SMASSSHHHHHHHHH.
Right? I would be here all damn night with a fork. Stupid.
Add gelatin to cold water to soften. The store had knox. I was under the misconception that Knox was no more but the knox was three times as much as the generic so KROGER it is friends. Only the best for you because I love you. No one is going to eat this anyways.
Now you have something that looks like Slimer might have left it behind. Quick, get a toaster, play it some tunes and let’s see if it dances!
OK, so i added the gelatin to the smashed cantaloupe and then heated it up, it’s not smelling great because warm cantaloupe is NOT its natural habitat. Then let it cool to watch it thicken. It never really thickened. Hrmmmmm.
And now: the worst part. Non fat dry milk. What is this stuff for? Who invented it? Why does it still exist? I have so many questions! I added non fat dry milk, water, lemon juice, and vanilla and was instructed to whip it into a frenzy until it formed stiff peaks. THAT. NEVER. HAPPENED. Not even little bunny hills. It just smelled like baby spit up. Not a fan. BLEH.
It all was “folded” together, which didn’t really work because the fluffy milk part was a syrupy failure. I swirled it around and prayed to sweet baby jesus AMEN. I was STOKED it actually fit in the mold. WOOO. Small victories.
And LOOOK! IT CAME OUT OF THE MOLD AND EVERYTHING!!
It smells like cantaloupe and sweet milk (baby spit up if you ask me). My dad was the VERY brave soul who was going to try this. He says he LIKES things like fruit cocktail, jello, SPAM, liver and onions which he never gets because my mom cooks awesome things like fancy salad with kale and home make dressing and lovely roast chicken. Maybe if he is lucky Santa will bring him some nice Vienna Sausages in a can for Christmas this year!
Ok Dad… You Ready??
Dad: “Tastes like the cantaloupe was over ripe – that’s the problem with it…”
Me: “Not the other crap it was floating in?”
Mom: “The only good thing about jello is JELLO SHOTS.” (clearly the voice of reason in this family)
Participating in this challenge was AWESOME! I really want to try more vintage recipes but I think I would have to find a new test audience every time. That, or I would have to keep my dad’s wine glass very full.
Thanks for sticking around for that EXTREMELY long post! I really like you guys.
Homework: (comment below)
• Do you have a vintage recipe you have always wanted to try?
• Do you have family recipe that you LOVE but might be kind of GROSS by modern standards?
• What is your stance on things floating in gelatin?
• How awesome are my parents?