I took a mini break from you all, my pretty friends. Not on PURPOSE, of course. See, I get these bastard MIGRAINES and have had two multi-day day ones almost BACK TO BACK and they have knocked me down and made me pretty much a worthless shell of my former self. Any tips or home remedies out there? I will try ALMOST anything.
So now we find ourselves smack fucking in the middle of the holiday season. What the hell? And it was all lovely and warm here in Los Angeles and then it got “Cold” (it IS cold for me so put a sock in it) and I had to bust out the THICK sweat pants and the fancy Snuggie. Oh, and may stretchy pants. I have consumed more cheese lately than I care to admit, except I just did.
When it comes to the whole fall/winter holiday round of holiday madness I am pretty indifferent. Borderline BLEH. I could skip it and frolic my midget butt right back into summer FOREVER. I don’t get the hype. People live for this shit. Traditions are lost on me. In my family my little sister is the one who was REALLY into that sort of thing but she now lives as far away as she possibly can – its summer for her right now (UNFAIR I SAY!) and we as a family are forced to carry on the torch without her.
For Thanksgiving we have had a few rounds of trying some different “traditions” on to see how they go. Themed food from around the world was one. A few years we tried Fancy pants restaurants around Los Angeles with various courses and food I cannot pronounce – I think my little sister’s least favorite mostly because of the absence of canned cranberry sauce. My mom would make the old school favorite dishes a week later. Us lucky kids would get two Thanksgiving dinners. Canned cranberry sauce is always represented. I am partial to my mom’s stuffing (and only hers – it is NOT stovetop, ahem).
My mom is making the Thanksgiving round 2 for us this year, my dad and I are SO SPOILED.
And here we are – another Thanksgiving – all up in our business and I am SURE a lot of us are not ready. I am here for you Friends! I really am! I have made 3, count them 3! Playlists to ease your pain, to get you through the entire process, to ease you through prep, to play through dinner (if your guests are COOL ENOUGH) and one to play after they GET THE FUCK OUT. I know you need this.
I love you. A lot.
Playlist 1 – Pre Party – “The Paper Bag Trick”
I am sure you all have been there – you ran out of time right? The house still has your mini piles of crap everywhere! Your guests are going to be here in an hour! You look like shit! (real talk) This is the playlist for you! Put this on, dance around – grab some paper bag and dump all the crap in the garage, in the kids room, under your bed, in the back bathroom you are NOT GOING TO CLEAN
(but you are going to poo in later) You can DO IT!
- Louis Jordan – Beans and Cornbrean
- Larry Groce – Junk Food Junkie
- Dee Dee Sharp – Do the Bird
- Rosemary Clooney – Come On-A My House
- Louis Jordan and his Tympany Five – Nobody Here but us Chickens
- Booker T. & The MG’s – Green Onions
- A Tribe Called Quest – Ham n’ Eggs
- Jo Stafford – Sweet Potato Piper
- Chuy Reyes – Oink Oink Mambo
- Otis Redding – Let Me Come On Home
- Clarence “Frogman” Henry – Ain’t Got No Home
- Peppermint Harris – I Got Loaded
- Mel Torme – Comin’ Home Baby
- George Formby – When I’m Cleaning Windows
Playlist 2 – for the Guests – who hopefully don’t suck
Super – Everyone is here. Aunt Mildred brought Jello! Which kinda rules even though no one is going to eat it! Here is a playlist for the meal. It is fun and lighthearted and will hopefully spark some conversation when your grandma asks why you aren’t married yet, or when is the last time you went to MASS…errr
Kids table for LIFE
- Hank Williams – Hey Good Lookin’
- Dee Dee Sharp – Mashed Potato Time
- Jim Jackson – I Heard The Voice of A Pork Chop
- The California Honeydrops – Pumpkin Pie
- Yellow Ostrich – Bread
- The Robins – Turkey Hop
- Ike & Tina Turner – Shake a Tail Feather
- Ray Anthony – Asta Nice’a
- Sam & Dave – I Thank You
- Louis Prima – Yes, We Have No Bananas
- Jay & The Techniques – Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie
- Steve Goodman – Chicken Cordon Bleus
- Bessie Smith – Kitchen Man
- Pokey LaFarge and the South City Three – Sweet Potato Blues
- Little Eva – Let’s Turkey Trot
- Devandra Banhart – Pumpkin Seeds
- The Rolling Stones – Brown Sugar
- Dr. Humphrey & His Possum Hunters – How Many Biscuits Can You Eat?
- The Kinks – Hot Potatos
- Talking Heads – This Must Be The Place
- Edith Piaf – Autumn Leaves
- Missisippi John Hurt – Shortnin’ Bread
- Rosemary Clooney – Love and Nuts and Noodles
- Charlie Adams – Sugar Diet
- Sly & The Family Stone – Thank You
Playlist 3 – Get out, Go Home, it is OVER
And now friends it is time for everyone to GET THE FUCK OUT. Hopefully they helped with the dishes but if they didn’t throw this playlist on and get going, or pour something stiff and leave it until tomorrow. You are a goddamn GROWNUP and can do what you WANT.
- The 5, 6, 7, 8s – Hey! Mashed Potato, Hey!
- Gravy Train!!!! – A Delicious Treat
- Drive-By-Truckers – The Thanksgiving Filter
- David Byrne & St. Vincent – Dinner for Two
- The Rosebuds – Get Up Get Out
- The Swallows – It Ain’t the Meat
- Bikini Kill – Go Home
- Karen O and the Kids – Food is Still Hot
- Chubby Checker & BB King – Mashed Potato Twist
- Ohio Players – Jive Turkey
- The Living End – Turkey Stomp
- Paul McCartney – Get Me Out Of Here
- Eddie Money – Take Me Home Tonight
- Belle & Sebastian – Meat and Potatoes
- The Animals – We Gotta Get Out of This Place
- Simon & Garfunkel – Homeward Bound
- The Lumineers – Big Parade
- Bastille – Get Home
- The Smiths – Back To The Old House
- Camera Obscura – Let Me Go Home
- Yo La Tengo – Autumn Sweater
- Christine Kittrell – Sittin’ Here Drinkin’
- Al Caiola – Ciao
- The Rosebuds – The Make Out Song
- Peggy Lee – Is That All There Is
I hope these playlist get you through the holiday and food comas to come. Cheers to stretchy pants and kitchen dance parties.
Go to bed kid – I need a drink.
• Home remedies for Migraines – SEND THEM TO ME PLEASE
• Do you have Thanksgiving ? Do you Hate it?
• Favorite Thanksgiving Dish ? Can I have the recipe?
• Do you actually listen to these playlists?