Fuck Christmas & HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS- A VERY Bitter Playlist

Oh Boy – Christmas is upon us. It actually has been lingering since Aug in the stores but I am the type to bury my head in the sand. Bah FUCKING Humbug.

I like giving and wrapping gifts but beyond that I am entirely not interested. This year especially I have tried to skip it. Wanna skip it next year and go somewhere tropical? Anyone? This year I have managed to not set foot in a single store to holiday shop (my mail and UPS man have been BUSY). I have so far not baked a single cookie. I have wrapped all my presents in hot pink and black. I PROTEST THE CHRISTMAS but I have watched all the classic Christmas movies and specials (because they are AWESOME). Maybe there is hope for me yet!

So in Bittersweet Susie fashion – I have made you a playlist. And I know some of you thought I forgot, NEVER! Here are some Christmas songs I will tolerate (to a point) and I hope it finds you and your obligatory family gathering well. I also hope it keeps you from blowing a hole in your head after you hear Rockin Around the Christmas Tree for the 10th time that day because here at Bittersweet we care. PS: I have never seen anyone ROCK around a Christmas tree just for the record.

This is a more BITTER version of Christmas – but you can still totally play it during family dinner! I am sneaky like that.

 A Very Bitter Christmas – 2013 (click link to go to playlist)

1. Porter Wagoner – Happy Birthday Jesus
2. Count Basie Orchestra – Good Morning Blues
3. Louis Armstrong – Cool Yule
4. Ray McKinley & His Musicians – Red Silk Stockings and Green Perfume
5. The Mexicali Brass – Winter Carnival
6. The McGuire Sisters – Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town
7. Ray Rasch – Sugar Plum Cha Cha
8. Otis Redding – Merry Christmas, Baby
9. Sugar Chile Robinson – Christmas Boogie
10. Cecil Gant – Hello, Santa Claus
11. Bobby Darin – Poor Little Jesus
12. Floyd Dixon – Empty Stocking Blues
13. Kim Weston – Wish You a Merry Christmas
14. Bobby Nunn – Cool, Cool Christmas
15. Django Reinhardt – Christmas Swing
16. Jimmy Butler – Trim Your Tree
17. Jimmy Witherspoon – How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around (Christmas Blues)
18. Louis Prima And His New Orleans Gang – What Will Santa Claus Say? (When He Finds Everybody Swingin’)
19. Buster Bailey – Santa Claus Blues
20. Santo & Johnny – Twistin’ Bells
21. Ray Charles – The Snow Is Falling
22. Mabel Scott – Boogie Woogie Santa Claus
23. Fats Waller & His Rhythm – Swingin’ Them Jingle Bells
24. Elvis Presley – Blue Christmas
25. The Mills Brothers – You Don’t Have to Be a Santa Claus
26. Johnny Cash – Christmas Time’s A-Comin’
27. Clyde McPhatter – White Christmas
28. Eddy Arnold – C-H-R-I-S-T-M-a-S
29. Loretta Lynn – Christmas Without Daddy
30. Billie Holiday – I’ve Got My Love to Keep You Warm
31. Dean Martin – A Marshmallow World
32. Glenn Miller – Jingle Bells
33. Kay Starr – December
34. Perry Como – Home For The Holidays
35. Vince Guaraldi Trio – O Tannenbaum
36. Mel Torme – What Are You Doing New Years Eve?
37. Bill Haley – I Din’t Want To Be Alone This Christmas
38. Carla Thomas – Gee Whiz, Its Christmas
39. Little Mindy Mince – The North Pole Rock & Roll
40. Marlene Paula – I Want to Spend Christmas With Elvis
41. Peggy Lee – Winter Weather
42. John Denver – Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)
43. Merle Haggard – If We Make It Through December
44. Chuck Berry – Run Rudolph Run
45. The Moonglows – Hey Santa Claus
46. The Kinks – Father Christmas
47. Pearl Bailey – A Five Pound Box Of Money
48. Artie Shaw – There Is Frost On The Moon
49. Frank Sinatra – The Christmas Waltz – 1999 – Remaster
50. Buck Owens & Susan Raye – Christmas Ain’t Christmas Dear Without You (feat. Buck Owens & Susan Raye)
51. Johnny Mercer & The Pied Pipers – Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town – 2004 – Remastered
52. “Tennessee” Ernie Ford – A rootin’ tootin’ Santa Claus
53. Bill Anderson – ‘Po Folks Christmas
54. Little Willie John – Mommy What Happened to Our Christmas Tree
55. Leroy Carr – Christmas in Jail
56. Ben Harper – I’m In I’m Out And I’m Gone
57. Loretta Lynn – It Won’t Seem Like Christmas
58. The Andrews Sisters – Christmas Island
59. Lighnin’ Hopkins – Happy New Year
60. Orson Welles – Christmas Greeting

Woooowee That is a long playlist! I am POSITIVE it will get you through your party and BEYOND.

Who’s Birthday is it!?!? THIS GUY

This is a Jesus I have hanging on my wall and is the PRIZE of my thrift store Jesus collection. If anyone has a VELVET JESUS painting They are willing to part with just give me a holler.

What I learned while listening to this playlist:

• There are just as many songs about being BLUE on Christmas as the bright, cheery, stab me with a fork numbers.
• I wish there were WAY more songs about Jesus’ Birthday – cause FUNNY- No matter how historically inaccurate the time of year we are celebrating. Maybe there needs to be a Jesus Rockin with Santa Number? Mayyybe not.
• I really hate Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – and I have found too too many covers of that wretched tune.
• Sometimes digital is ok and almost awesome because this would never fit on a tape.
• My Thanksgiving Playlists will also work for Christmas – feel free to check those out.

This was a photo I found in one of my mom’s albums. A couple observations about this little photo:

It was marked 1971 or 72 and I forgot to write it down. That bird artwork on the wall was made by my MOTHER and it is all hand embroidered (we still have it). The little patterned stool on the bottom left of photo is a piece my DAD embroidered and built.

We have crafty coming out of our BUTTS folks.

Maybe they knew their daughter was going to make THIS one day:

I bet you can feel their pride oozing from you screen – PATTERNS COMING SOON!

There was also sweet paneling in the living room that I never got to see (I was born a WHILE later/TOO DAMN LATE) There appears to be a record player ON TOP of the built in stereo cabinet – that also has a record player inside. This makes me think my whole childhood is a lie because I was told the AWESOME STEREO worked once upon a time. LIES! And finally – I asked if we could get a real mini tree this year in addition to the perfect Martha Plastic number my mom puts up every year. She told me NO. I am using this picture as proof she was once down with the mini tree babies. I will have one next year. Mom – see photo evidence above of awesome mini trees as a request for NEXT christmas. Thank you!

Homework (You don’t get any winter break around here kids)

• Favorite/Least Favorite Christmas songs?

• Childhood Lies you want to confront your parents about?

• What do you collect? What is the PRIZE of that collection?

Thanks for stopping by! I hope everyone has had and continues to have a great Holiday Season!